Imagine this (really imagine!)

You're walking home on a rough day at the office, passing the scenery around you. Except, you don't notice the beauty around you.

Nature's allure is insufficient to stop your busy mind from frantically replaying the day's events.

A project you put your heart and soul into was canceled at the last minute "because of budgetary constraints." Your boss loved the output, but your line manager got all the credit.

Almost automatically, you begin running the scenario over in your head, dwelling on only the negatives.

Your thoughts are not saying, "My project is getting so much positive attention." (The good thoughts are resting somewhere in the deep recess of your mind.)

The thoughts that rise to the top of the pile are "I always mess things up" and "I am a failure." You tell yourself this, blaming yourself for the project getting nixed and even labeling yourself a "failure."

Our brains are wired to keep us safe from danger and harm. Unfortunately, sometimes our brains dwell too much on the negative, which can then affect how we think and behave. Negative thought patterns like this are called cognitive distortions --- a menace to good mental health. These negative thought patterns are often intertwined with people who experience anxiety.

Like termites on wood, these thoughts can multiply quickly and gradually eat away your self-esteem and confidence. If you indulge them long enough, they can make you your worst enemy, crippling your love, work, and everything in between.

Let's explore the common cognitive distortions and how to deal with them.

What Are Cognitive Distortions?

Cognitive distortions are ingrained, illogical thinking patterns that mold reality into a negative form. Often resulting from faulty beliefs and assumptions, they keep you in the vicious circle of self-doubt, anxiety, or pessimism.

Every person has some sort of cognitive distortion. Not great but also not the end of the world. But it might be if you let these distortions go unchecked to the point that they rewrite reality. The effects can be severe on one's mental health.

Therefore, it's essential to identify and challenge these problematic thoughts to improve your friendship...with yourself.

Causes of Cognitive Distortions

Cognitive distortions stem from past experiences, trauma, beliefs, negative feedback, conflicts, or high expectations.

Stress and anxiety have a toxic relationship with distorted thoughts. They worsen when merged. In other words, a regular life with regular expectations and regular stress is enough for cognitive distortions to work its dark magic. No one's exempt.

How cognitive distortions impact your self-esteem

Some common cognitive distortions and how they can sabotage your self-esteem and relationship with yourself.

Mental Filtering and Personalization

Mental filtering focuses solely on the negative aspects of a situation, ignoring the positives. Personalization is blaming yourself for outcomes beyond your control. Together, these distortions lead to undue guilt and low self-worth.

Imagine organizing a surprise birthday party for your partner. You spend weeks making everything perfect, but on the day of the party, your partner arrives from work feeling tired and downcast.

Instead of considering that they had a rough day, you might filter out all the good things about the party and think, "The party's a failure." Then, follow up with thoughts like, "I must've done something wrong; they're not happy because of me."

This mix of mental filtering and personalization makes self-blame easy and quick. You only focus on what went wrong rather than celebrating your effort. That leads to feelings of inadequacy.

Blaming and Labeling

Blaming is taking on too much responsibility for an adverse event or assigning fault to others. Labeling is even worse because it makes you attach negative labels to yourself based on one experience.

After a disagreement with a friend, you might think, "It's all my fault," or label yourself "selfish." These thoughts become deeply ingrained and affect how you see yourself.

Accepting the label makes it very complicated to progress in life.

Blaming and labeling can trap you in a cycle of self-criticism and damage your self-worth over time.

Always Being Right and Should Statements

This is rooted in the belief that you must always be correct. It pairs rigid "should" or "must" statements directed at yourself or others.

These unrealistic expectations lead to frustration and disappointment when things don't go as you believe they "should."

For example, after a slight misunderstanding with a co-worker, you might think, "They shouldn't have gotten upset over that," or "I should always be able to handle things perfectly."

Such thoughts set you up for failure by creating unachievable standards---that no one should get upset or that you should always be the bigger man (the hero who never fails)---for yourself and those around you.

Over time, this can leave you feeling unfulfilled and disappointed in yourself and others.

How to Overcome Cognitive Distortions

Once you recognize these distorted patterns, you can take steps to challenge and change them. Here's how:

• Start by paying attention to your thought patterns. These thoughts may arise in response to an event, feeling, or ongoing situation. Notice if they're overly negative or self-blaming.

• Question if your thoughts are based on facts. Is your conclusion realistic, or are you focusing on a tiny setback?

• Reframe negative thoughts with more balanced, objective ones. You'll see situations more clearly.

• Be kind to yourself. No one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes.

• If the distortions continue to affect your mental health, seek professional help. Therapists are excellent at spotting these distortions even when you don't see them.

Wrap Up

Self-esteem erosion and confidence destruction. That's what cognitive distortions do ---if you let them. To build resilience to these negative thoughts, you need to understand, acknowledge and challenge them.

Next time (and there will be a next time) you're caught in a whirlwind of bleak thoughts, take a moment to pause and reflect. Are these thoughts truly accurate and helpful? Or are they simply distortions playing tricks on your mind?

Most probably, you'll learn that these thoughts paint a picture of the worst possible scenario, which is rarely ever the case. The realization that these thoughts lie is how you can reclaim your self-worth, build stronger relationships, and unlock your full potential.